insomnia

and it's back with a venegance. this fucking thing that creeps up on me every night and makes me panic and releases anger and sadness, frustration and severe physical pain. 

i'm actually starting to worry about not being able to sleep from the moment i wake up after the few hours i get in the late morning hours, and the circle continues. my brain just won't take a rest at night. it's like there are millions of bats flying around inside me, or black butterflies if you may. every problem i have, real or imaginative, every thing i've ever done, or the things i didn't do, the right choices and the ones i did wrong, the right things i have said, should have said and the things i completely messed up with that uncensored mouth of mine, they are all there as soon as i lay my head on the pillow. i toss and i turn, i get up, i go back to bed. i keep having conversations with my own mind and all i want to do is turn off my head. needless to say it doesn't work. another sleepless night and an upcoming day with an aching body, a head that wants to explode and a stupid zombie-esque glaze in my eyes. it's so great, being dead like me.