come if ya want...

damn

    this is getting out of hand.

What's in a name...?

My name is Molly. I could leave it there. I know what I mean by that. I'm simply me. Average height, alien-esque features, pale, spindly, long fingers, dark hair. Proper bookworm, loves to write anything that can be written except for forced stuff, huge Morrissey-lover, animals in my heart (except for most insects who makes me wanna die at the sight of them, even in pictures), big city-girl.
Most people call me Molly, but my birth name is Malin and some say Molls, Marlin (like the fish) or Malla (hate that). My middle name is Agnes Cecilia, mighty cool and eerie book/TV-series from the late 80's. I dig that. And hey, Molly Agnes Cecilia. Everyone can pronounce that, no mater what country. Much better than Malin/Maaah-lin or Marlin. I remember even Marley and Mory crept in at Starbucks somewhere once or twice.
I am not a show-off but I love words and general knowledge. So don't get me started. Actually sometimes do...Swedes...it's not a space between words! It all in one word. You're not speaking English! And don't even get me started on Native American History, the Civil Rights-movement and other historical topics. I like to study, I love learning knew things. Have a debate/discussion with me. Please!
A human brain can hold about 4000 memories, including people, (add/detract depending on the person) and my brain seems to have an endless capacity for useless information. Well, and very useful stuff too of course.
I like to not judge people but sometimes it happens. I usually check myself after doing it though and usually come to the conclusion that it's not my thing and that people are different.
I have always hated my former home town, but i have realized that wherever you go, someone wants to get away from *there*, wherever *there* is. Still my hate remains.

My best memory every puts me in two stances.' Ever' is such a big word, but 'so far' (much better to me) was one of my many trips and meeting the Manic Street Preachers in Brixton (two nights in a row), getting the set list in Copenhagen from James (omg), and seeing Mozza live several times (Morrissey's shirt always gets riped to pieces at every concert and I never get one...yet. People better watch out for my elbows next time. heh.). However, best as in then, not in what's coming up. Something better might be around the corner. Getting a CAE Cambridge grade A was pretty amazing too though. Can't you see how well I am using it?! :P

So who's Molly? When I look in he mirror I scare myself, check myself, wonder about myself...how different my looks are from my inside...and then do nothing about it. This Molly don't care that much. Curse out my looks if you want to, but don't attack what I've learnt. 

*thank you for making my entry number 3 on 'best presentation' Nylon!

from 2013...he was my rock growing up

she sleeps on the bed with the uncomfortable pillows. the blanket that's too thin in the freezing room. she just woke up from another nightmare. other people would probably call them regular, or even pleasant, dreams but she is not them and they are not her.

in her eyes her skin is blue and purple. thin and transparent with all veins glowing in the darkness. they used to be her favorite colors, now she wanna knock them out of her memory.

it feels like her blood is on strike. freezing blue in a freezing room. twenty-one hours in the same bed, in the same room makes the body feel shut down. sleeping all day, slumming all night. the dreams are still haunting her. she can't stand beside him. never again. only in her dreams. he doesn't exist. he's only around in spirit. he can't hear her, he's in another world. he left them all behind, way too early. her definite safety point, her favorite person.

she's a human amongst humans, or so they say. he exists only in dreams and old photographs. she picks one up, stares at it. once again wishes she could walk out of the bedroom, into the picture.

hmmm...

to start or to not start this shiz up again? hmmm...

still ill...

gimme a break. flu, flu go away!
oh btw, went from blonde to red. not that anyone cares. myself included.

 ....and now it's even more red.

lack of...

so...this paper is going great... :/ motivation...please? 

worst

Factory Girl

watching Factory Girl. i 'was' Edie for Halloween so i felt like watching it. not that i haven't seen it before, i love the film, i've just never been a fan of Warhol. he's completely overrated and a big bore to me. like, i know one *should* like him, it's pop cultures biggest no-no (besides not pretending to like all the old, 'cool' bands and icons no one gave a shit about until it was a rule to like'em, hipster-style. kinda like when you started smoking as a teen) not to praise him. but i can't find myself enjoying his character nor his art. Edie, however, intrigues me. i feel so bad for her. or now she's ashes, but when she was of flesh and blood. now what an asshole everyone was to her. all the 'men' (maggots) she surrounded herself with. yes Bob Dylan, i'm talking to you, amongst others. i'm surprised Manics haven't written a song about her. she seems like their type of gal, like Monroe and Traci Lords. 

Dylan, Lou Reed (Velvet Underground), Warhol and all the other men who fucked her up, well done!
anyways, she seemed so fragile and lonely. some things she sad i can/could relate to so much, or more or less.
'When you start at 20, you have a lot of nonsense to work out of your system.'
'It's not that I'm rebelling. It's that I'm just trying to find another way.'

'The very things I might have given in to, that demanded, that said, this is your life. I mean, this is your only way to survive, are the things I fought hardest to end. I can understand other people's situations in their own terms, but "they" still can't understand mine.'

'I act this way because that's the way I feel like acting. If people like it, fine. If they don't, that's their problem.'

whatever, whatnot.
I, obviously never knew Warhol, but this is my take on him too, with Edie's words.
'The way those sons-of-bitches took advantage of me. Warhol is a sadistic faggot.'

'I'm a little nervous about saying anything about the artist, because it kind of sticks him right between the eyes, but he deserves it. He really fucked up a great many people's, young people's lives.'

                                   this entry is pretty pointless. i just wanted to write.

eternal River...

daisy

back off / then...

i'll never ever forget the things i've been put through. forgive, that i'm good at. forget, not so much.
i ran as fast as i could, but there was no one letting me go. i had to stay and it is beyond me how someone could put someone else, a kid, through all that. scar me? yeah. or no. interpret that as you wish.
frustrated fears of what i might become. i did not, but i still needed what they knew i needed and they took it away from me. i saw you crying but it wasn't my job to fix you, it should have been the other way around.
i have no 'family portraits' but i don't want any. he left, i had no choice but to stay.
and my loves, my confidants, you drew away. or sold. don't now in which order. i don't know what you think of yourself/yourselves but i have to believe you got regrets.

my tumblrs!

Mad Molly (formerly known as You're So Sead)

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt (color blog)

Beautiful Brittany Murphy

Angelina Jolie - Young, wild and crazy

Drew Barrymore - Wild Thing

Well well my Michelle (Williams) 

go follow!

        this! <3

moving...

fuckin a. finally i can move out of this s**thole. bye Euston, hey Angel! it will be much further away from school, but i expect some calmness at least. no fuckin notes on my door, no stalkerish dudes, no police throwing me out or rude guards. and also...no screaming kids outside from 7.30 am-6 pm every fuckin day.  yay! maybe now i can study a bit. ka-ching. 

Cambridge CAE is kinda hardcore. or well, the grammar is. the rest, not so mch. but still, damn grammar. i get the grammar automatically, i just don't know *why* it's supposed to be that way. apparently it's common amongst swedish students. 

on another note...some of the awe, cool and nice ppl i've met here: 

Marion, Eri, Ara, Svetlana, Karin, Susi Q, Marta, Dani, Alper, Angela...and more. :)

blah, blah, blah.

last year by this time i was barely alive. well, actually before that too. the past hates me and i hate it. i was an empty shell just walking around thinking i was on a never ending path to nowhere and everywhere. if i was thinking at all. i don't think i was a large amount of the time, really. i doubt it.

i've learned quite a lot without thinking i'm even half perfect or close to it. but at least i'm doing something now. i am. i might not be able to hack it since it is my hardest task in years (maybe ever), this. but even if i fail, i got in, i was good enough, i will always know that. don't know where that takes me, but it's better than a whole lot of bs nothingness.

fuck yeah!

A pity she does not exist, a shame he's not a fag
The only girl I ever loved was Andrew in drag
There is no hope of love for me, from here on I go stag
The only girl I'll ever love is Andrew in drag

Andrew in drag! (Andrew in drag)
Andrew in drag, yeah!

I don't know why I even went, it's really not my bag
Just thought it might be funny to see Andrew in drag
The moment he walked on the stage my tail began to wag
Wag like a little weiner dog for Andrew in drag

Andrew in drag! (Andrew in drag)
Andrew in drag, yeah!

I've always been a ladies man and I don't have to brag
But I've become a mama's boy for Andrew in drag
I'd sign away my trust fund, I would even sell the jag
If I could spend my misspent youth with Andrew in drag

Andrew in drag! (Andrew in drag)
Andrew in drag, yeah!

So stick him in a dress and he's the only boy I'd shag
The only boy I'd anything is Andrew in drag
I'll never see that girl again, he did it as a gag
I'll pine away forevermore for Andrew in drag