most things in my life these past 2-3 years have been the result of bizarre series of events or based upon bad decisions and it's only as of lately (since late summer 2013) that i've come to sense with most of it. i have had to cut out, mend, re-think, lose and change a lot of things and the result has been of mixed emotions and many regrets, but also lessons, good things and wake-up calls. i know i can come across a certain way at times, and not a good way, but most of it comes from awkward- and nervousness. i wish people knew that but as i don't come with a manual, i can not assume that anyone would know how my approach and attitude genuinely is and how i would like to be perceived. the same goes (for the) other way around, and that's why i prefer straight shooters and honesty. i also prefer second, third and tenth chances, just as i give them out. to an extend, of course, i don't expect people i've treated badly to keep coming at me, but deleting naivety and evilness, i think people are mostly at their best when you've met them a couple of times and you can relax a bit around each other...etc.
emotions, feelings, things of wrong material at the right time (or right material at the wrong time) can be a big hindrance, but if one keeps on trying to build what one wants it can, hopefully, become that at one point or another.
i should stop rambling now since i really should pack. 12 hrs left in Sweden and i would lie if i said i wasn't ambivalent, nervous and hesitant. ah, well. i'm out for now. my suitcase is screaming my name.
